The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize