i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
