Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
