You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize