why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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