I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
