i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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