Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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