A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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