If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's official drugs can't kill me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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