So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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