my vag is so smooth its legendary
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
