I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
