For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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