I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
