I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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