Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
