The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
