highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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