I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
