Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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