I'm drive I can fine osifer
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
