oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
