operation have a gay friend backfired
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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