The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
