He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize