I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
