after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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