my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i now understand why vodka
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
