I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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