He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
