ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
