it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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