is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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