you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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