If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
