Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
