i would punch a child for taco bell
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
