I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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