I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
