Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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