i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
