The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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