Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
