Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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