Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I miss vodka workout Fridays
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
