Non-Jews are for practice
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
