I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
