Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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