he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
