I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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