His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
