Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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