i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
