I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize