Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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