I'm so fucking centered right now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
