This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
