you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
