Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
