gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
