it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
