Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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