I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
