I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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