i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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