yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
either way he was missing a nipple.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am available for nakedness
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
