I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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