If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
