we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
