the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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