i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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