I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
