I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
