I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize