I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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