is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
