I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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