any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
