just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
