My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize