so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
