New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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