Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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